10-This Is Not What I Need Right Now



This was never going to work. It had taken her years but Maya had learned to live with her nightmares and dreams, they have just been affecting her far more than they used to these past few weeks. Looking around her room, closet open, belongings scattered, she realized it had also been a while since she cleaned things up a bit. Just one more item to add to her always growing to do list.

“Morning!” Abby called from the kitchen when Maya finally left her room.

“Morning,” she responded, unenthused as she dumped the contents of her bag onto the dining room table. “Have you seen my keys?”

“God, Maya, you look terrible.”

“Thank you?”

“No, I mean … you know what I mean.”

“Yea, probably. I didn’t sleep too well.”

“Need some coffee?”

“What I need is to find my keys.” She ran her fingers through her hair, pulling it back frustration trying to remember where she had them last.

“Have you checked the floor? You always toss your bag on the floor when you come home, maybe they fell out.”

Maya darted back into her room, immediately returning with her arm in the air, keys in hand, triumphant and went to shove everything back into her bag.

“Sit down. Coffee’s almost ready.”

“Can’t. I don’t want to be late again. I’ll see you after, Abby. Thanks.”

“Alright. Bye.” She called after Maya as she quickly left the apartment.

She made it to work on time. Not that anyone would notice if she arrived late. Mags and Zena were taking care of one of their regular customers leaving Maya to handle the walk ins. She was disappointed to find that everything looked so pristine and perfect when she came in. She needed something to keep her mind busy. Anything to help her not think about last night’s dream, or that video of her catching a bullet with her bare hand. Or Kyle. Especially Kyle. Of all the reality shaking things going on in her life, Kyle was the one she wanted to avoid the most. Of course that is the one subject her mind keeps obsessively moving towards. The chiming of the bell of the front door wakes Maya from the spiral of emotions she was being pulled into. Thank you. Customers.

“One coffee and one best friend, I’ll waive the delivery fee just this once.”

“Abby. Thanks. You didn’t have to come all the way down here.”

“Yea, I kinda did. You’ve been out of it a lot lately. Like, more than usual. So spill, what’s been going on? Is it that Kyle kid? He didn’t know what he was saying last night. He felt super bad afterward.”

“No, it’s not that. I mean, it’s not just that. It wasn’t about what he said it’s just… I don’t know. He’s been around a lot lately and you know how I am around new people. I’m just … I’m just freaking out a little bit.”

Is it because he has a crush on you?” Abby smiled. “Because he totally does.”

“Can we not talk about this?” Maya said, hiding her face in her hands.

“You can’t keep running from how you feel, Maya.”

“Yes. I can. I mean, can’t it just wait a bit? It’s just one more thing on a long list of things I don’t want to deal with right now.”

“Look, I know you like to keep these things to yourself but you know you can come to me with anything, right?”

Can I though? Some things are just too weird. “Yea, I know.”

“That’s what we’re here for. Me and Alice. We’re your friends, we want what’s best for you and if Kyle isn’t what’s best for you, if you don’t like him or don’t want him hanging around then we can do something about that. You should have to deal with this kind of stuff by yourself. You are not alone,” Abby assured her, placing her hand over Maya’s. “And you don’t have to do something you don’t want to just for our sake. You don’t have to be afraid of hurting our feelings like that. You know that you come first, before anyone else in our lives.”

“Well, I mean, except your families.”

You are family, Maya.”

“I’m not… I’m not afraid of hurting you guys like that. What I’m afraid of, what truly scares me is that I might actually like him and that’s just not what I want. At least not right now.”

This admittance makes Abby smile. Maya has never been one to open up too much, even to her closest friends so this little bit means so much to her.

“Shut up.” Maya tells her, smiling back.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Ugh, why? This is not what I need right now.”

“Maybe it’s exactly what you need. Something to keep your mind off of everything else. Or, in this case, someone.”

“What am I going to do?” she wondered aloud, laying her head on the counter next to her half empty coffee.

“Say something.”

Maya shot up. “No. No no no no no.”

“Why not? It’s better than waiting and freaking out until he finally says something.”

“Is it though?”

“Look, I’m just surprised he hasn’t said anything yet.”

Abby is interrupted by the chime of the front door. Actual customers this time.

“Hi, welcome to Mags.” Maya called to them, stashing the cup Abby brought her underneath the counter.

“Alright, that’s my cue, I’ll see you later.”

“You off today.”

“All day.”

“Have fun.”

“Bye. Love you.”

Tell him? What was Abby thinking? That would not calm my mind. If anything, it would only make it worse. It already has. Now she was not only worried about what he may or may not say but now she was worried that she might unwittingly change her mind and say something as well. But if he asks me I can definitely turn him down. That’s the best case scenario. That would fix everything. Well, everything with Kyle. Hopefully.



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